I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
