You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
