he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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