I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
