so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
