If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
