So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
