Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
