i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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