I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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