she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
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I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
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No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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