If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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