so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
