the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
