My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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