I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
