this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
