everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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