this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
