Don't you send me to vm
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You've changed since you got that strap on
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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