i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
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