Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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