Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Randomize
