i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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