It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
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just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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