I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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