Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
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