Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
