Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
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