A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
My vagina just clenched in fear
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
