We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
The power of my boobs compel you
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
