Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
