non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Also, beer. Big fan.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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