omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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