I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
ttyl tear gas
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
