just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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