Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize