Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
