Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
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