If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
