In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
