Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
