Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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