fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
