OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
