we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
