Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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