I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
