he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
i think i just lost a toe
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
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