you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
