Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
