I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
