I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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