she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
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I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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