How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
