If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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