Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
