I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
