woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
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It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
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Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize