Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
