it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
