I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
