I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
