Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
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