wakey wakey hands off snakey
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
