Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
