turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
